I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
