It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
