omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize