Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
