The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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