dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
