sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
