i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
