They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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