so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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