I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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