Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
