At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
