I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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