Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
