i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
