just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
