I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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