You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
