do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
