We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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