508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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