he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
