I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
