i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
