Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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