i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
