So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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