I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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