I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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