She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is the high leading the old right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
