Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
