My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
