I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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