somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
