Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
