Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
