Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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