whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
