my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
