The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
