he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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