Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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