and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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