i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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