dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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