so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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