Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
