I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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