the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
