ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
