just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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