you traded sex for a burrito?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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