You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Someone shattered a urinal.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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