he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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