I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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