finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
