hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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