It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
