On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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