420 ftw
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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