wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
