He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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