I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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