From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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