Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
