these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
