Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
