Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize