I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need a shit load of segways right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
