nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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