How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
