I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
