My hand turned me down
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
