she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
